and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
