remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize