Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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