I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
