when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
