You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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