true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
