Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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