dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
