I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize