Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
