i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
