its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
