a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize