marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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