Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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