she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
