I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
