Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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