i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
