11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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