Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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