I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
