I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
