I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
