i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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