I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
