I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im part way to drunk.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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