to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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