How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
