you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
