Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
