put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
