I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
