I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
