So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My nipple is on Facebook.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
