OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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