I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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