Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize