I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
