Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
