There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
