you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
