mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
