You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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