My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
