They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
