oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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