She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize