I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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