Don't EVER smell your tampon
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
