cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
