neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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