dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
