My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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