I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
