yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
