shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
