Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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