just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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