your parents love me but you hate me
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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