I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
