Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
