my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
