Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
