I think I died a long time ago.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
