did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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