Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
