Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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