I'm gonna have a badass scar
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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