Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize