I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
