Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
