What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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