I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize