I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
