I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
