He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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