Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
