Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize