Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
