i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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