my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize