I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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