There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
