no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
