member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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