I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
two words...techno handjob
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
