That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
try to milk me bitch
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