You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
