when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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