Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
