She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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