I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
