Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
