My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
