you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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