I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
