he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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