i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
