i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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