Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
