i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
