I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
