Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize