Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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