Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
