I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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